“Never allow someone to be your priority while allowing yourself to be their option.” ~ Mark Twain
Heartbreaks aren’t easy, for many of us, the pain is similar to experiencing a loss of a loved one. After months and years of having your daily routine revolving around a person, whether it be morning/goodnight texts, weekly date nights, or yearly vacation. Losing someone we’ve shared so much of our routine, dreams, and daily life with is extremely difficult to heal from. Some of us may never heal completely, the scars will always be there, similar to a broken mirror, you’ll always see cracks on the glass. All the nicknames that we’ve shared and all the memories we’ve created are left behind. One of the saddest thing in life is someone we loved turning into a passerby.
Speaking from my personal experience, there are a few things that I’ve learned along the way that helped with my recovery process. Yes, recovery! It means to return to a normal state of health, mind or strength. These are things I learned about myself that helped me return to my equilibrium to the best of my abilities. As I said some scars will last for a while, but they will always heal. It is difficult to forgive the person who has done us wrong, but we must understand that forgiveness is not for them, but for us.
Crying your eyes out, no seriously!
“Do not apologize for crying. Without this emotion, we are only robots.” ~ Elizabeth Gilbert
The act of crying is one of the most therapeutic ways to release your pain, frustrations, and anger. These are a few of the emotions that we often experience, and being trapped in our heads can actually cause us to become hysterical. From my personal experience, I tried to be strong most of the time, hiding behind a smile while my heart was crying out for help. Running from pain have caused me many emotional breakdowns. Being able to cry our heart out is so therapeutic, scream if we have to. I usually drown myself in sad Vietnamese songs, and it would take at least one to two weeks until I feel like I can no longer cry.
Surrounding yourself with loved ones
I remember seeing this advice from Girl’s Code a couple years ago when a girl would advise her friend to text her if she begins missing her ex. I realized that it wasn’t simply missing the ex, but it also served as an important way to break the routine or a habit we may have developed during the relationship. We would exchange hundreds of messages every day, so after a breakup, there will be a huge void missing in our routine. This routine could range from days to years, and we have to be able to fill that with the people who care about us and our wellbeing. Call our parents, mom and dad have been there before and they always know what to say. We always think we have to go through heartaches alone, but no man is an island.
Taking care of your health
I cannot stress this enough, because it is super important!!! In the midst of dealing with our heartbreaks, I think we tend to neglect our health, such as eating and sleeping. It may be difficult to take care of ourselves, but during this time, we are all we have. Yes, we have our loved ones, but no one really knows our body the way we do. According to experts, losing sleep and appetite can lead to a decrease in our serotonin, which can negatively impact our overall mood and anxiety level. Going to the gym, going for a long walk or even yoga at home, 30 minutes a day can help to boost your overall mood.
Polishing your look
Whether it is changing our hairstyle or new wardrobes, polishing our external look helps us with pampering ourselves. In some relationships, we may get caught up in taking care of our partner that we forget our own needs. Spend that resources that we’ve earned on the things we need. I am a strong believer in you feel the way you look. The more polished we are, for ourselves, not what our partner wanted will give us a sense of gaining back control of our lives.
Spending time with yourself
The last thing is to give ourselves plenty of time to grieve. For most of us, our first instinct would be trying to move on or distract our thoughts from going back to the breakup or past memories (Guilty!!!). But being able to weather the storm will actually help us become a stronger person at the end. We need to show love to ourselves by acknowledging our struggles, if our hearts are crying out then we should not ignore it. Reading, traveling, listening to music, or meditation, find an activity that will allow us to reflect on our personal journey and growth. Reflections allow us to think through the lessons we’ve learned and plan our next steps. If you are looking for ideas on what to do, then check out my guide for Date Night for One.
I always side set aside emergency savings for rainy days, and when I was going through my breakup from a long term relationship, I used that fund to take myself on a trip. I saw it as a reset button for me to isolate and focus on my heartbreak, check out Starting Over My Escape Trip.
Breakups are hard, but I am a strong believer for what’s meant to be yours will be yours. So breakups don’t mean the end, it may just be the end of one chapter and there will be many more to come. The most important thing is we must learn to love ourselves first before expecting someone else to give you that same love. By doing so, we are setting our standards and establishing our own worth.
Thank you for reading ^.^